Don't bother me, I am thinking....about everything!

Faulkner borrowed Boyfriend's sunglasses

Recognize the title?  I love the movie The Christmas Story.  A week doesn't go by where I do not hesitate to find a good place to insert a line from that movie. I am constantly finding a poignant time to borrow a quote from Ralphie.  For example, I love's Ralphie's seriousness when he is trying to politely get rid of the childish characters who are bothering him while he waits for Santa Claus.  He tells them, "Don't bother me....I am thinking."  Like Ralphie I am constantly thinking. Unfortunately unlike Ralphie, it is rarely single focused. I wish for a moment that one thought, like Ralphie's quest for his dream toy, could consume me.  Okay so maybe a thought does consume me for a moment but then the clock ticks to the next minute and I am on to the next idea. Supposedly things are slower in the South but my thinking does not match the easy lifestyle. My brain is like a race car and my thoughts are constantly whizzing by. And sometimes I wonder if I forgot to get in the driver's seat!

Hanging Out with the Cool Kids

This summer I have had the opportunity to work with some seriously cool people.  Cool is a word use to describe many things and often a misnomer but not with this group.  They are counselors and live up to their occupation.  This group oozes calmness, reflectiveness, and insight.  I asked after our project was done would they please let me continue to "hang out with the cool kids."  They have no idea how much I have learned from them.

They are really into meditation and mindfulness.  Being in the moment is the way they live their life and they teach others how to do the same.  I am listening to them but I have yet to master their technique of being in the moment. As much I protest that multi-tasking is a cliche term made up by overworked, mindless professionals, I fall victim to trying to multi-task myself. This is a shock to me because I thought I was focusing on one task at a time.  I just didn't know that you were suppose to focus on one task more than 30 seconds!  Oh and my thoughts are even worse.  Boyfriend usually struggles to keep up in a typical conversation with me.  I start off with W topic but it naturally leads to X topic which then leads to Y topic which of course ends up at Z topic.  So while Boyfriend is still talking about the W topic I bring in Z without mentioning all the others I have thought in between.  Boyfriend just gives me a blank stare making me then have to go back and explain, "No Z is not random and here are my very logical sequence of thoughts that got me there."  However, blank stare continues as Boyfriend realizes confusion is a normal state of being when conversing with me.

My Scattered Attempt at Mindfulness
 
Another example, I was pumping gas the other day on my way to work and then thought about my cool kid friends and their mindfulness talent. I forced myself to focus on pumping gas. Surely, I can focus for the time it takes to pump gas!  I noticed the morning traffic and saw the yellow bug drive by with black smoke puffing out the back.  And thought, quite proud of myself, I would not even have noticed the black exhaust if I had not been practicing mindfulness. Not sure why I would need to notice pollution but at that moment I was feeling particularly deep in my acknowledgement of the small things in life.  I then looked over at the little flowers in the garden shop across the street. And then I thought how I have always wanted to go to that little shop especially in the Fall because I love Fall. Oooh, maybe I will go there this Fall and buy some mums. Then I can decorate my patio with mums and pumpkins and it will be so cute. Then that idea led to work events which were coming up in the Fall and  all the work I had to do for those events. But after Fall comes winter and I haven't quite recovered from my winter blues so then I thought I am not ready for winter let me focus on summer....and the thoughts continued. Boyfriend says my mind is a scary place. But can't you see how the topics are all connected? It makes sense to me. Faulkner was known for his stream of consciousness style of writing. Maybe I should just starting writing down all my thoughts in their sequence and I will win awards for my avant garde writing style.

But I really do want to become more grounded and focused. I decided a week ago to write about mindfulness because by writing about it, I would be forced to learn about it.  However being pressed for time, I decided I could  Google it and find a fast tip on how to quickly because a careful, deliberate thinker.  However, I don't think mindfulness and fast fix really go together do they? Therefore some time in the near future, I will be more reflective and steady my fast moving thoughts.  Maybe then I will be able to write about the topic with deep insight about how such discipline changed my life or even better maybe I will just become the next great writer like Faulkner.  Lofty goal, but these racing thoughts need to be put to work for me after all!  Blog post done...on to the next topic!

Deep thoughts with Faulkner

Me with my other racing thoughts friend

We talked about everything...he followed me from W topic to Z!